Is ANGER culturally acceptable?

We live in an increasingly stressful times with people flaring up at the slightest provocation.When a people are angry all they really want is to vent their feelings on someone, sometimes violently. Unfortunately, this zeal to vent falls on those who are at closest proximity to them.

The expression of the feeling is the same in Nigeria. Sometimes it is expressed in form of protests with streets blocked and the aggrieved chanting war songs to drive home their points.

There is no end to the knowledge of a region or culture. If we mine these depths, we come out with a deeper understanding of how to live in a global culture. Again, Lilian Eze-Mark not only brings us a detailed look at a culture’s expression of themselves, but teaches us healthy inter-personal skills. Let the nations live in peace!

At the ethnic level, the Igbo’s of eastern Nigeria would lock up their shops implying that business is cancelled for the period impressing it on the government that they are not happy without minding the losses during the period of anger.

For the Yorubas of western Nigeria, business will not be interrupted but they would complain to the appropriate authorities.

For those who come from northern part of the country, expression of anger is usually violent with loss of lives and property until government’s intervention.

One great thing to do is to simply listen to the person express their anger until they calm down or wear themselves out. Simply hear them out.

Do Not Analyse
Some counsellors say you should avoid analyzing all you have listened to and avoid responding at the moment. Don’t worry yourself about if you agree or disagree with all that’s being said.  For them anger is a largely irrational emotion, therefore your thoughts and feelings about the situation are best kept to yourself when one is angry, especially if you’re the subject of their anger or you’re personally involved.

Avoid Apologizing
You would think apologizing will calm an angry person down but most times it isn’t so. Many times, apologizing aggravates the person’s anger. Most times, a person is angry because they are not able to get their way with you or with a situation. The key to calming an angry person is to either remain quiet (which can be taken for compliance) or gently acknowledging the person’s anger and assuring the person of your compliance.

Try to Reason with the Person
Later on, when the person is calmer you can address irrational aspect of their outburst and try to reason with them. They are more likely to listen, if they haven’t already realized their own irrationality. If they don’t reason with you and you’re not ready to actually comply, you can opt out of or distance yourself from the situation or person. You can also be patient and give the person time to prove themselves right or wrong.

Try To Relate
It’s okay to question yourself a little. It’s the healthy and humble thing to do. Question your fault in the situation; try to see things from another perspective to confirm the certainty of your views. Be sure you’re on the right track, if you are, then you can either decide to opt out or if you can afford it, give the person time to prove themselves right or wrong. Also, try to relate with the person and understand where the person is coming from. This can help you solve the problem or misunderstanding easily.

Protect Yourself

Keep a safe distance from someone who is angry. It’s a well-known fact that people tend to get physical, threatening and abusive when angry. This is mainly because anger is a largely violent and dangerous emotion. You need to trust your instincts and properly assess the situation. If at any point, you feel threatened or in danger, leave the area immediately without hesitation and without saying anything else to the person (run if you have to, you’re not being coward, you’re being smart.)

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Further Reading:
More from Lilian Eze-Mark on how to GRIEVE in Nigeria
Investigate the concept of the EVIL EYE and the notion of BAD LUCK

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About Lori

Ever since Lori Younker was a child, she’s been captivated by her international friendships. She is mesmerized by the power of short works to inspire true understanding of the cross-cultural experience and expands her writing skills in creative nonfiction, guiding others to do the same. These days she helps others capture their life history as well as their stories of faith.