As a 29-year-old woman who has been living in America for the last five and half years, my life has been colorful and vibrant. Yet, recent days brought several bad things to our family. About half year ago, I got up as normal and prepared breakfast for my family, which is a small family with three persons: my husband, my son and I.
All of a sudden, I received a request for “face time” from my mother who was in China with my father. She told me, “Your grandfather just passed away last night. When I just heard this news, it seemed like a mirror was broken in my heart. I was sad, but frankly, not so much, because my grandfather was 97 years old, and wasn’t tormented with any diseases during his senior life. What a good luck for him. He just had his dinner, his favorite food—dumplings—and then died in a sleep.
In the following days, I told myself not to be sad, and that I had been in China for about six months and had visited him many times. Spending time with parents or grandparents when they are alive is more important than spending time being sad when they die. I missed him but was not overly sorrowful for him.
Although I told my father my philosophy, he was still very upset. He is the youngest child of my grandfather. He held the funeral for Grandfather. In my hometown culture, the oldest son should hold funeral for their parents. My father is the only one son of my grandfather. If a family doesn’t have son, then the daughter would hold the funeral for their parents.
I know my father was still unhappy, so I would like him to come to visit me here in the United States, accompanied with my mother. I thought it might be helpful for him to pull him out of sadness as soon as possible. However, changes always go beyond plans. My father had a car accident just one month after my grandfather’s passing. My father always liked going to work by bicycle for exercise. He has done this for more than ten years and is a cautious person. On that day, a car hit him from behind. My father was sent to Emergency immediately. Fortunately, he still had clear conscious at that moment. The car driver had been driving with sandals and was fatigued, so he should take the whole responsibility for this accident.
My father stayed at hospital for one week, and then back home. He would be able to take the bike to work again after three months. My family were so happy, we thought the bad things were gone, and that good things should come. But bad things always seem like they come out together. Only after three months passed, my mother was told that he should take a surgery for her thyroid nodule. It’s hard to describe my mood when I heard this news. I was sad and guilty. I hated myself. I asked myself, “Why did you choose to go aboard five years ago?”
I should have stayed in China to take care of my parents. I would rather get back to China as soon as possible than to stay in America. I told my mom what I thought, she told me, “Don’t come back. It is only a one-hour small surgery, and the thyroid is benign. You should stay there and take care of your son, he is only three years old and just adapt to his school life. If you come back, I would be worried about your journey. Your father and other relatives will be here take care of me. I will take the surgery in three days. It’s too much of a rush to get back.”
I felt very guilty when I heard about that. I even regret having a child three years ago. Finally, my family booked January flight from America to China. We will have our 2018 Spring Festival in China, and I will company with my parents for one month, and they miss my son and I very much.
Now my father recovers very well. My mother is still in a recovery process, and she can go outside and shopping now. Things seems like not so bad. It is inevitable for everybody to have bad things in life, but it will be pass in the end. We should cherish what we have owned.
Read more about cultural responses to life events:
Tea Time: Get to Know Our Chinese Neighbors
